Live Your Yoga

At the workshop on Sunday, we talked a lot about small self. Unfortunately, most of us know her on a first name basis. She’s the trash talking, flaw emphasizing, ego toting one that looks back at us when we’re brushing our teeth in the morning mirror. She’s the couldn’t have, shouldn’t have, oh no you di-nt kind of girl. The one that doubts. The one that looks around and thinks, I could never be like that, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, thinks that she’s the shit and wants you to know it in an obvious or sneaky coy sort of way. I’m the best, oh look at me, are you looking at me, no don’t look at me, no really, look. The small self stands in fear.

There is no room in my life right now for small self.

Jessica said a wonderful thing. And though she was addressing the entire group of beautiful and amazing women, I felt she was saying exactly what I needed to hear. She was speaking to me. She said it was my duty. My responsibility to share what I’ve learned. She told the story of the sage (hopefully I get this close to right ~ you’ll get the drift) who upon his death was expecting nirvana for all he had learned, and Shiva said to him, in your first life you have learned, in your second life you have learned. Now leaving this third life you have learned. But what have you given? And so he sent the sage back again, and in his fourth life he was a teacher.

I’ve thought about this concept before. And a version of this thought was one that got me on the path of teaching yoga in the first place. I wanted to change the world. And I believed that one way to do that was through yoga. Think about how you feel after your practice. Now think about every single person in the world feeling that same way. Peace? Enlightenment? How about just simple contentment for this moment? I expressed this thought to a friend once, a fellow yoga teacher. And she said something that was so far from my intention, but that affected me none the less. She said that thinking this way was my ego talking. I let that one little sentence dig into my small self. And it dug deep. But it’s finding its way back to the surface . That sense of affecting change. And now it’s even more profound because now, it’s my duty.

One week ago Sunday, my husband and I signed a lease to open a permanent location for One Rhythm Yoga. Since the Wednesday before that, when I was first considering the possibility, small self took up residency. We did everything together, and my husband was getting pretty annoyed when she kicked the covers off at night. At times, my whole self, my divine self, the part of me that KNOWS, well, she’d take over the situation in her firm voice. You know, the mother tone. And I would remember. I would remember. And I am back to the lesson of the daisy and that of my underlying strength. It’s there. And this space didn’t come to me for anything remotely having to do with my ego. I was not looking to open up a yoga studio. But then it was there, and God said, “Look Brandi. Now what will you DO with it?”

I have spent the last 13 years of my life learning what it takes to be yoga. I suppose technically I’ve spent the last 31. And I will spend the rest of this lifetime continuing that process. But here begins something new. Now I commit to being a teacher. Yes, I have been teaching. But I have never allowed myself to fully commit to it. Not really. Something happened. I discovered my duty.

I will not be surprised when small self peeks her little head in the doorway. Oh, yes, she’s a persistent little devil. I will not be surprised when she invites herself in for tea. But let me tell you friends, (and small self you best be listenin’ girl), after those lemon scones, she’s outta here. (says I in my best mama tone).

...they are a comin'

Otherwise known as “The Joy response.”

Swadhisthana

I went to a workshop today, led by one of my favorite and most inspiring teachers. I decided to go to the workshop even though I knew I couldn’t stay for the whole thing. My coworker was a gem and worked an hour longer so that I could in turn stay an hour longer, which only brought me an hour short of the ending. Got an hour thing going here, huh?

The workshop was called “Where the Goddess Stands” and focused on the second chakra, her favorite standing place. There were crazy amounts of hip opening and forward folds. This was only the second asana class I’ve attended of Jessica’s, the first being only a couple of weeks ago. Her asana practices are challenging and beautiful.

Plug for Jess here: She is the only Jivamukti teacher in Colorado Springs and she is AMAZING. Just seeing her smile makes me smile. Her inner light radiates and touches all those who are blessed to be in her presence. She teaches at Pranava Yoga Center and leads workshops and retreats year round. Check her out. You won’t regret it.

Back to the workshop: it’s part of her new Women of the Woods program (LOVE the name!) and just reading that title made me want to be a part of it. It sounded like something completely up my alley. So I went for it, telling her that I’d have to leave early. And my wonderful husband gave up his Sunday morning with me so that I could go.

We were asked to bring a flower that reminded us of our sacredness. Our feminine divinity. Even our sexuality. I brought daisies. Daisies are my favorite flower. It was my great grandmother’s name, and my aunt’s, both of whom I never met. It is the name of my daughter. Daisies remind me that beauty resides in simplicity. Also that grace, fragility, sweetness and innocence have this underlying strength that shines through against all odds. Daisies persevere in the face of a rose. And also in the presence of the weeds that she walks with daily. Daisies remind me that it’s okay to be a quiet force. I could go on and on…

So I brought daisies. We set them on the altar with images of goddesses and peacock feathers. Did you know that peacocks are the only known natural enemy of the cobra? The peacock actually transforms the venom in her body to something harmless. A reminder of how we can transform the poisons in our own lives. We each picked a goddess card from The Goddess Oracle and I got Coventina, goddess of purification. I am entering a time of cleansing and detoxification of mind and body, she says. Well, no doubt. My body is telling me lately that I better get serious about it. And my mind, well, there’s a whole other blog post.:)

Transformation

My husband and I picked our first zucchini out of the garden yesterday (see garden yoga). We were SO excited. This is the first edible thing I’ve ever grown! And it was beautiful! He made a fabulous quiche out of this beautiful vegetable and I felt overwhelmed with blessings.

Ok, that was off subject But I had to mention it.

The asana practice was intense. I had to let go of my defenses and access my inner goddess to get through it. And I did, and Savasana was so sweet. When we were called out, and about to go down for food, I looked at the time to see how much I had left and to my surprise and panic, it was already quarter after 2! There was no time for food or hugs I just had to get out of there to make it to work on time. When I made it to work I felt scattered and spacey. I attributed it to lack of food and simply that lack of full integration. Yes, I got savasana. But there needed to be something else for this particular practice, I thought. So I just went with it. Wonderful Daisy brought me a muffin and I sipped on my love latte from my wonderful husband. Then I started interacting with customers and soon I started to notice that I was absolutely elated! My mood was so elevated I was staring into bliss everywhere I looked. And then I noticed that my joyful spirit was contagious, or perhaps it was the people coming in that were wearing off on me. I don’t know, but the entire night was FUN! Just absolute pleasure and joy at being here, in this moment, with these beings. And then I started thinking, hmm… the spacey feeling that first affected me had turned into something else entirely. Joy!

So even though I don’t think I’ll choose to participate again in a workshop if I can’t stay for the entire thing, the essence eventually caught up with me. And my customers got to bask in the afterglow, even if they were unaware of the source.

Jai!

What a glorious afternoon in Colorado. After record heats the last few days, I awoke to overcast skies and now enjoy mild sunshine with gentle breezes. Oh yes. Glorious indeed.

I wanted to share my morning class with you, as it has sent me smiling into the world and I’m sure will carry with me throughout my day. First off, to “invoke” via dictionary.com:

Wow. That’s a lot to take in. Yet, that is exactly what I asked of my students this morning. That they call to heart the word, and ask what it meant for them. I then read them the short definition as presented by good 0l’ webster: to address or call upon in prayer. With that in mind, I expressed my desire as a teacher to share with them that our bodies are our prayers. Whether we hold religion, spirituality, or just a simple faith that we are alive on this Earth, we can all benefit from a moment of prayer, a moment of communion.

So as we sat through our pranayama practice, as we experienced those first movements into our vinyasas, we prayed. We prayed with our bodies. And though some may not have gotten it, I think that as they continue with their practice, they will. Your yoga may start out as something physical. It may start out as something that you do because you have tight hamstrings, or tension in your shoulders. It is my belief, though not imposed, that through a regular asana practice you begin to discover the spirit of yoga. You begin to peel into the layers of your own divine nature.

Let me tell you a secret:

We all need to be reminded sometime. I think coming to your mat is an excellent way to remember.

My favorite girl humored me with her camera skills. Check it.

adho mukha svanasana

trikonasana

trikonasana

utthita tadasana

salute!

utthita tadasana

om namah shivaya

advadanta sirsasana

surrender

balasana

It’s been some time since I’ve posted on this blog. I am happy to note that we’ve succeeded (sort of) in growing (some) things. The garden project is a continuing adventure. By next year, we should have it down.

I’ve felt somewhat neglectful of this blog, but then decided that it was okay, being that it’s more important to live my yoga than to write about it.

My public teaching schedule is limited lately. I’ve been kept rather busy in other areas. My 2 classes at Spectrum are going well, the energy has improved there and I feel like I owe that to Rebecca and Alice. I feel so honored that they chose to continue with me from Om and Garden, and it’s like a little bit of that sacred space came with them.

Or it could be that having them there has allowed me to free up the energy I’ve been holding in. Either way, I am so grateful to have them there.

Life and its daily rhythms are carrying on. Each day is filled. Plenty of chaos. Plenty of love.

I keep breathing.

•*¨*•♥•*¨*•

Sitting on my back porch. The sun is shining for what feels like the first time today. I was feeling a lot better yesterday, so much so that I think I over did it a bit. Therefore the morning brought me more mucous and a headache to seal the deal.

I taught 2 classes. The first was a gentle reminder that it’s hard to talk for an hour straight when you’ve been sick for days on end. I ended up having to leave the room for savasana because I thought I might go into a coughing fit and ruin the relaxation experience

The second was a little smoother. One of my favorite students was there. Yes, I have favorites~ but I do not play favorites. She is just the most lovely of creatures and her presence makes me smile every time. She and her partner in crime, which was absent today, are both shiny; the two of them bring joy to my heart.

I have a design commission to complete for Custom Made Fairytale. The wedding’s in June and that’s been weighing in on me a bit. It’s hard to be motivated when I’m sick. Plus, I want to be in the right spirits when I’m working on her dress. Energy transmutes.

•*¨*•♥•*¨*•

Good Goddess, this tree on my back porch is gorgeous. I don’t love her so much when I’m picking up spoiled crab apples in late Summer (she and I had a talk about this yesterday), but oh~ how I love her right now. She is the Sacred Yoni Tree. She has 3 perfect slits in the roundness of her trunk. It’s odd. But perfect. And she has always brought to mind for me the sacred feminine. I guess I should keep that in mind come late Summer as a reminder that we all fall down and get bruised sometimes… but we can still make the sweetest jam.

•*¨*•♥•*¨*•

Sacred Yoni Tree

One of my students brought me a dozen eggs today in lieu of payment. The eggs came from her very own chickens. Does it get any better than that? I think not.

Here’s the thing. At least, it’s the thing for me. A yoga class that lasts about an hour and fifteen, generally feels like at least 3 hours for the teacher. Not in a bad way. It’s just the energy expenditure that goes into it. So after a day of teaching 2 or 3 classes, I am absolutely exhausted. On top of that, I also used to spend way too much time planning my classes. You know, this particular sequence for the warm up, this pranayama exercise, this reading. W2 to W1 to Parvrita Trikonasana… and on and on and on.

I don’t plan my classes anymore. I made a comment to my husband this morning while gathering my belongings for class and my daughter for school, that it was good that I didn’t plan my classes anymore, otherwise I wouldn’t have time for anything else. Yes, this was an exaggeration. And yes, I do still plan my classes occasionally. When I mentioned this to Niko this morning, and also asked if it was terrible that I didn’t, he made a good point: if I take the time to plan, and then my student base is completely different than the class I originally intended, well, what really is the point? That is the point.

When I was in teacher training, the instructor said this: There is the class you plan to teach, the class you actually teach, and then the class you wish you would have taught. God was she right.

This is something that you learn only by practice. When you’re fresh out of teacher training, you spend countless hours with your pen and paper, your notes, your mat. You work on perfecting your class design. It’s necessary. Eventually, you begin to figure out that even without the plan, everything will be alright.

So when I got to class this morning, intending to at least make some sort of standing practice sequence, in walked 2 new students. The first, with a recently broken wrist, in therapy, and having only practiced yoga by video and not for a number of years. The second (husband of first) had been to yoga classes about a decade ago, and had no admitted experience. He asked if it was necessary that he take his shoes off.

So here is where my husband’s point was proven. I had to throw everything out the window. Here was my vinyasa class, minus the downdog, updog, and absolutely everything that puts pressure on the wrists. As well as most of the flow in itself, as I was breaking down most of the poses to allow for complete comprehension. The class turned into a beginner’s foundation. It was fun, and a great lesson for me as a teacher.

My noon class turned out to be equally spontaneous. With only 2 students, and both regulars, it allowed for a nice environment of intimacy. On top of that, we spent the first ten minutes or so chatting and giggling, our own brand of yoga. I practiced through most of the class with them, and used my own body to guide our next move. That is the real vinyasa, right? Letting the breath guide the body into its perfect form.

So the day was a great reminder that, once again, everything will be okay. There is no reason to doubt, or panic, if you don’t have the perfect class plan mapped out with extensive detail… Chill. And let the flow begin.

Maintaining a home practice can be challenging for many of us. Teachers and students alike.

I remember going through my first training. I had a committed personal asana practice. It was a home practice, because at the time (and for most of my life really), I couldn’t afford to take yoga classes at a studio. I remember many of the other teachers-in-training were surprised at this, and mentioned that if it wasn’t for going ‘out’ to a studio, their practice would be non-existent. I know this to be true for many of us…

I suppose it’s similar to our diets. If we had a personal chef to prepare us fantastic and nutritious food, wouldn’t it be easier to eat healthier? So we go ‘out’ for yoga, we leave it to the teacher to work our bodies and nourish our minds. That is what they’re there for, right?

Well, in a sense, yes. That is what we’re here for. But at the same time, we are here to teach you that it is actually YOU that is your own best teacher. My goal as a yoga teacher is to inspire. Inspire YOU to live to your greatest potential and recognize your own divine nature.

If you make it to my Tuesday noontime Sadhana every week without fail, but that is the only time you get on your mat… of course I would congratulate you for honoring yourself that one day a week with that gift of yoga. I would also encourage you however, to develop some sort of home practice. They say it takes 21 consecutive days to develop a healthy habit so that it begins to flow freely and naturally. My suggestion: Start with a 5 minute a day pranayama practice. Sit quietly, preferably before you start your day, to connect with your breath. Perhaps you have 15 minutes to spare for a few rounds of Sun Salutes. You can begin anywhere. The point is, to just begin.

I love having you in class. I honor that sacred divine and intuitive teacher in each and every one of you. Lay out your mat tonight on your living room floor and go inward. Let your breath lead you into your most perfect asana practice yet.

Namaste’.