Live Your Yoga

At the workshop on Sunday, we talked a lot about small self. Unfortunately, most of us know her on a first name basis. She’s the trash talking, flaw emphasizing, ego toting one that looks back at us when we’re brushing our teeth in the morning mirror. She’s the couldn’t have, shouldn’t have, oh no you di-nt kind of girl. The one that doubts. The one that looks around and thinks, I could never be like that, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, thinks that she’s the shit and wants you to know it in an obvious or sneaky coy sort of way. I’m the best, oh look at me, are you looking at me, no don’t look at me, no really, look. The small self stands in fear.

There is no room in my life right now for small self.

Jessica said a wonderful thing. And though she was addressing the entire group of beautiful and amazing women, I felt she was saying exactly what I needed to hear. She was speaking to me. She said it was my duty. My responsibility to share what I’ve learned. She told the story of the sage (hopefully I get this close to right ~ you’ll get the drift) who upon his death was expecting nirvana for all he had learned, and Shiva said to him, in your first life you have learned, in your second life you have learned. Now leaving this third life you have learned. But what have you given? And so he sent the sage back again, and in his fourth life he was a teacher.

I’ve thought about this concept before. And a version of this thought was one that got me on the path of teaching yoga in the first place. I wanted to change the world. And I believed that one way to do that was through yoga. Think about how you feel after your practice. Now think about every single person in the world feeling that same way. Peace? Enlightenment? How about just simple contentment for this moment? I expressed this thought to a friend once, a fellow yoga teacher. And she said something that was so far from my intention, but that affected me none the less. She said that thinking this way was my ego talking. I let that one little sentence dig into my small self. And it dug deep. But it’s finding its way back to the surface . That sense of affecting change. And now it’s even more profound because now, it’s my duty.

One week ago Sunday, my husband and I signed a lease to open a permanent location for One Rhythm Yoga. Since the Wednesday before that, when I was first considering the possibility, small self took up residency. We did everything together, and my husband was getting pretty annoyed when she kicked the covers off at night. At times, my whole self, my divine self, the part of me that KNOWS, well, she’d take over the situation in her firm voice. You know, the mother tone. And I would remember. I would remember. And I am back to the lesson of the daisy and that of my underlying strength. It’s there. And this space didn’t come to me for anything remotely having to do with my ego. I was not looking to open up a yoga studio. But then it was there, and God said, “Look Brandi. Now what will you DO with it?”

I have spent the last 13 years of my life learning what it takes to be yoga. I suppose technically I’ve spent the last 31. And I will spend the rest of this lifetime continuing that process. But here begins something new. Now I commit to being a teacher. Yes, I have been teaching. But I have never allowed myself to fully commit to it. Not really. Something happened. I discovered my duty.

I will not be surprised when small self peeks her little head in the doorway. Oh, yes, she’s a persistent little devil. I will not be surprised when she invites herself in for tea. But let me tell you friends, (and small self you best be listenin’ girl), after those lemon scones, she’s outta here. (says I in my best mama tone).

...they are a comin'

It’s been some time since I’ve posted on this blog. I am happy to note that we’ve succeeded (sort of) in growing (some) things. The garden project is a continuing adventure. By next year, we should have it down.

I’ve felt somewhat neglectful of this blog, but then decided that it was okay, being that it’s more important to live my yoga than to write about it.

My public teaching schedule is limited lately. I’ve been kept rather busy in other areas. My 2 classes at Spectrum are going well, the energy has improved there and I feel like I owe that to Rebecca and Alice. I feel so honored that they chose to continue with me from Om and Garden, and it’s like a little bit of that sacred space came with them.

Or it could be that having them there has allowed me to free up the energy I’ve been holding in. Either way, I am so grateful to have them there.

Life and its daily rhythms are carrying on. Each day is filled. Plenty of chaos. Plenty of love.

I keep breathing.

I just taught my last class at Om and Garden… unbeknownst to us all when we began our practice this afternoon.

During Savasana I received a message from Kim telling me that the closing ceremony would be Monday night. As I sat there in quiet meditation, evening out my breath to that of my students, I grew profoundly grateful. I could not think of a more lovely group of women to share this with than those that lay before me now…

At closing prayer, I told them the news and how happy I was to know them. I know that they’ll come to my classes elsewhere. But there was something about the space we shared and the energy we created at Om and Garden. I’ll miss it. And I know they’ll miss it too.

To those students and friends, old and new, that shared your time, energy and love at that studio: Thank you so much for allowing me the grace of your spirits. I am honored by each one of you.

With the deepest gratitude, }♥{

~Brandi

Seane Corn Vinyasa Flow

(*click on the link above to be directed to the video inspiration for this post)

Seane Corn

Yoga as prayer and an offering to the Divine… she speaks from my own heart.

This is what yoga is to me. My way of communion. My connection to Spirit. When I am lost in my practice, listening to the sound of the ocean deep within my breath, it is then that I feel most connected to Spirit.

When I study with Shiva, she often brings me to my prayer. There is something beautifully inspiring about a teacher that can lead you into your own body, and into your heart.

I’ve never studied with Seane Corn personally, but I like what I see and what I read. I’d like to one day. But even if that chance never comes, I believe we’re on the same path. Yoga is magic. Try it. You’ll see.

♥

Magic is everywhere.

Like right here in this bowl of soup, for example. Not the best photo, mind you, but that’s what happens from a camera phone.

Quite a random turn of events getting sick, but nevertheless, the crud this way came.

So my darling husband stewed together his own brand of magic into a magnificent healing punch! for my immune system. Yes, it’s the gobs of onions, garlic, and ginger… among other things. But mostly, it’s the LOVE that went into the process.

So while the husband and the child are out feasting on Italian food for the mother in law’s birthday, I am home, snuggled in my grandma’s afghan, watching Practical Magic, and getting loved up with my love soup. ♥

I had two phenomenal classes on Friday. Different venues, different students, different atmospheres. Both however, had amazing energy! Jai! I was so elevated from those classes. The experience and sacred sharing that can happen during yoga is endless.

It’s the energy of my students and the energy we build together. They are wonderful. We do not just share as teacher/student and the practice of asana. We share life. We share precious moments of intimacy. We share the blessing of simply being together.

I end every class with a message of gratitude for my students. And I mean it deeply every time.

One of my students brought me a dozen eggs today in lieu of payment. The eggs came from her very own chickens. Does it get any better than that? I think not.

Here’s the thing. At least, it’s the thing for me. A yoga class that lasts about an hour and fifteen, generally feels like at least 3 hours for the teacher. Not in a bad way. It’s just the energy expenditure that goes into it. So after a day of teaching 2 or 3 classes, I am absolutely exhausted. On top of that, I also used to spend way too much time planning my classes. You know, this particular sequence for the warm up, this pranayama exercise, this reading. W2 to W1 to Parvrita Trikonasana… and on and on and on.

I don’t plan my classes anymore. I made a comment to my husband this morning while gathering my belongings for class and my daughter for school, that it was good that I didn’t plan my classes anymore, otherwise I wouldn’t have time for anything else. Yes, this was an exaggeration. And yes, I do still plan my classes occasionally. When I mentioned this to Niko this morning, and also asked if it was terrible that I didn’t, he made a good point: if I take the time to plan, and then my student base is completely different than the class I originally intended, well, what really is the point? That is the point.

When I was in teacher training, the instructor said this: There is the class you plan to teach, the class you actually teach, and then the class you wish you would have taught. God was she right.

This is something that you learn only by practice. When you’re fresh out of teacher training, you spend countless hours with your pen and paper, your notes, your mat. You work on perfecting your class design. It’s necessary. Eventually, you begin to figure out that even without the plan, everything will be alright.

So when I got to class this morning, intending to at least make some sort of standing practice sequence, in walked 2 new students. The first, with a recently broken wrist, in therapy, and having only practiced yoga by video and not for a number of years. The second (husband of first) had been to yoga classes about a decade ago, and had no admitted experience. He asked if it was necessary that he take his shoes off.

So here is where my husband’s point was proven. I had to throw everything out the window. Here was my vinyasa class, minus the downdog, updog, and absolutely everything that puts pressure on the wrists. As well as most of the flow in itself, as I was breaking down most of the poses to allow for complete comprehension. The class turned into a beginner’s foundation. It was fun, and a great lesson for me as a teacher.

My noon class turned out to be equally spontaneous. With only 2 students, and both regulars, it allowed for a nice environment of intimacy. On top of that, we spent the first ten minutes or so chatting and giggling, our own brand of yoga. I practiced through most of the class with them, and used my own body to guide our next move. That is the real vinyasa, right? Letting the breath guide the body into its perfect form.

So the day was a great reminder that, once again, everything will be okay. There is no reason to doubt, or panic, if you don’t have the perfect class plan mapped out with extensive detail… Chill. And let the flow begin.