Live Your Yoga

What a glorious afternoon in Colorado. After record heats the last few days, I awoke to overcast skies and now enjoy mild sunshine with gentle breezes. Oh yes. Glorious indeed.

I wanted to share my morning class with you, as it has sent me smiling into the world and I’m sure will carry with me throughout my day. First off, to “invoke” via dictionary.com:

Wow. That’s a lot to take in. Yet, that is exactly what I asked of my students this morning. That they call to heart the word, and ask what it meant for them. I then read them the short definition as presented by good 0l’ webster: to address or call upon in prayer. With that in mind, I expressed my desire as a teacher to share with them that our bodies are our prayers. Whether we hold religion, spirituality, or just a simple faith that we are alive on this Earth, we can all benefit from a moment of prayer, a moment of communion.

So as we sat through our pranayama practice, as we experienced those first movements into our vinyasas, we prayed. We prayed with our bodies. And though some may not have gotten it, I think that as they continue with their practice, they will. Your yoga may start out as something physical. It may start out as something that you do because you have tight hamstrings, or tension in your shoulders. It is my belief, though not imposed, that through a regular asana practice you begin to discover the spirit of yoga. You begin to peel into the layers of your own divine nature.

Let me tell you a secret:

We all need to be reminded sometime. I think coming to your mat is an excellent way to remember.

My favorite girl humored me with her camera skills. Check it.

adho mukha svanasana

trikonasana

trikonasana

utthita tadasana

salute!

utthita tadasana

om namah shivaya

advadanta sirsasana

surrender

balasana

♥

Magic is everywhere.

Like right here in this bowl of soup, for example. Not the best photo, mind you, but that’s what happens from a camera phone.

Quite a random turn of events getting sick, but nevertheless, the crud this way came.

So my darling husband stewed together his own brand of magic into a magnificent healing punch! for my immune system. Yes, it’s the gobs of onions, garlic, and ginger… among other things. But mostly, it’s the LOVE that went into the process.

So while the husband and the child are out feasting on Italian food for the mother in law’s birthday, I am home, snuggled in my grandma’s afghan, watching Practical Magic, and getting loved up with my love soup. ♥

I first discovered yoga twelve years ago, but I cannot say that I’ve been practicing yoga for twelve years. I knew from that moment of discovery however, that I had found something special. I didn’t know the depth of that realization. I only recognized the physical manifestation of health that my body exuded after asana practice. Pranayama found its way to me in bits and pieces in the beginning, as well as other yogic practices that I knew naught. Following Hittleman’s 28 day plan, I experienced things that I couldn’t name. I practiced Uddiyana bandha without truly knowing what systems of my body I was affecting. There was innocence then and a simple love for the experience.

I didn’t know about my edge until I took my first class, and even then, it wasn’t labeled an edge. It was taking my boundaries to new levels and moving to that point of ‘sweet discomfort’. It was watching my first teacher move through Paschimottanasana trying to explain to me how she was moving from her hips, not her waist, and not rounding her back; something completely foreign to me at the time. Now, all these years later I can experience that moment differently. I can appreciate and understand what she was trying to express. I can feel my spine lengthening as I grow out from my hips, the crown of my head shining forward. The awareness that has come out of the experience of the practice has been invaluable.

I’ve been through a few trainings, many workshops, and countless yoga classes over the last decade of my life. I thought that I had certain things figured out. What I’m discovering is that most of it has been an illusion.

The second yoga class I ever took, the teacher saw something in me that inspired her to take me under her wing. Soon after, I began to substitute her classes. Because of that experience, I thought it was my destiny to be a yoga teacher. I remember getting so nervous before every class, something that I still occasionally do. The sweaty palm, shaky voice kind of nervousness. For years after that, I had a boyfriend that said I was never going to be a yoga teacher and that I didn’t have what it took. I believed him even though I pretended not to, and spent many years trying to prove us both wrong.

I think the point I’m trying to make here is that all this time I’ve been trying to be a yoga teacher for someone else. Even up until my last training, I was still living with delusions of my ‘false self’ and continue to sometimes question if I’m beyond that. A part of my reasoning for undertaking the Kripalu program was because I thought that I needed it. More training equals more confidence. And that’s what I needed to be the yoga teacher. Confidence. What I’ve discovered through this process is that I’ve used confidence (part of the illusion) as an excuse to keep going, and that I’m not sure why I’m teaching yoga in the first place. I’m not sure if I even want to anymore, or if I ever did. And most importantly, that that’s okay.

I took a training to become a better yoga teacher. I took another training because my ego told me to. My higher self was being silent throughout and letting my ego take the lead. She knew the real reason I needed the Kripalu program. She knew I needed to come back to the beginning to find again the simple love for the experience. Kripalu brought me back into my body, where somehow my higher self knew that I desperately longed to be. I remembered that I loved being there.

My yoga has changed. Not in the way I teach it necessarily. Not yet. Though I do find myself bringing a specific Kripalu-esqe style into my classes, I feel like it was always there, I just didn’t register the origin. I can see an evolution coming soon. I’m crawling out of a box. I’m not sure if when I emerge, I’ll stop being a ‘yoga teacher’, or if I will just change the way I teach. I don’t know. I do know that I love yoga. Love. And that it will be a part of the rest of my life. I also continue to feel deep connections to being a teacher, period. How the two come together is really not important.

I thought a lot about what I wanted to touch on in this post, what I wanted to convey about my Kripalu experience. In the end, I took my pen to paper with a blank slate and an empty mind. My heart spoke, and this is what she said:

I made a comment one morning during sharing, and touched on it again earlier in this writing, about how my yoga was changing. I understand now what that means. My yoga is finally in the process of becoming mine. I am changing from those preconceived notions of what I thought yoga was supposed to be in my life. Through the influences and teachers in my life, I have become a version of those teachings. I am not inferring that this is a bad thing. I am only expressing the lesson that I have learned about my own individual nature. I also know now that it will continue to evolve. I am not restricted to a single teacher or philosophy. And though I have highly respected teachers in my life that I adore immensely, and will continue to do so and learn from, I am not destined to be just an example of their teaching.

I’m not sure what will happen next. I only know that I am now more at ease with the mystery.

I cannot say that it was Kripalu yoga specifically that brought me to these conclusions; conclusions that are not just about how I practice yoga, but how I live my life. I do know however that I came to these realizations during and after my experience in the program and that without it, I may not have done so. These teachings I will cherish, and from them I know that I will continue to grow.

I’ve decided to start focusing on themes in my classes. A new project, if you will. Inspired by my “Grace Cards” by Cheryl Richardson, I’m going to pick a card a week and focus on that specifically for all 6 classes, with slight variation of course.

For example, this week I pulled “Mindfulness”. I’ll present the term as a thought process and allow students to come up with their own idea of what it is for them. The cards have a passage on the back, but I think I’ll leave that out so that each student can access their own imagination.

And on the subject, I want to be more mindful of bringing those things I care most about back into my classes. Also those things that I am still learning. I cannot let my teaching get stagnant with the same ol’ class plan time after time. I have to continue to stay inspired as a teacher, and as a student.

Peace & love, y’all.