Live Your Yoga

I first discovered yoga twelve years ago, but I cannot say that I’ve been practicing yoga for twelve years. I knew from that moment of discovery however, that I had found something special. I didn’t know the depth of that realization. I only recognized the physical manifestation of health that my body exuded after asana practice. Pranayama found its way to me in bits and pieces in the beginning, as well as other yogic practices that I knew naught. Following Hittleman’s 28 day plan, I experienced things that I couldn’t name. I practiced Uddiyana bandha without truly knowing what systems of my body I was affecting. There was innocence then and a simple love for the experience.

I didn’t know about my edge until I took my first class, and even then, it wasn’t labeled an edge. It was taking my boundaries to new levels and moving to that point of ‘sweet discomfort’. It was watching my first teacher move through Paschimottanasana trying to explain to me how she was moving from her hips, not her waist, and not rounding her back; something completely foreign to me at the time. Now, all these years later I can experience that moment differently. I can appreciate and understand what she was trying to express. I can feel my spine lengthening as I grow out from my hips, the crown of my head shining forward. The awareness that has come out of the experience of the practice has been invaluable.

I’ve been through a few trainings, many workshops, and countless yoga classes over the last decade of my life. I thought that I had certain things figured out. What I’m discovering is that most of it has been an illusion.

The second yoga class I ever took, the teacher saw something in me that inspired her to take me under her wing. Soon after, I began to substitute her classes. Because of that experience, I thought it was my destiny to be a yoga teacher. I remember getting so nervous before every class, something that I still occasionally do. The sweaty palm, shaky voice kind of nervousness. For years after that, I had a boyfriend that said I was never going to be a yoga teacher and that I didn’t have what it took. I believed him even though I pretended not to, and spent many years trying to prove us both wrong.

I think the point I’m trying to make here is that all this time I’ve been trying to be a yoga teacher for someone else. Even up until my last training, I was still living with delusions of my ‘false self’ and continue to sometimes question if I’m beyond that. A part of my reasoning for undertaking the Kripalu program was because I thought that I needed it. More training equals more confidence. And that’s what I needed to be the yoga teacher. Confidence. What I’ve discovered through this process is that I’ve used confidence (part of the illusion) as an excuse to keep going, and that I’m not sure why I’m teaching yoga in the first place. I’m not sure if I even want to anymore, or if I ever did. And most importantly, that that’s okay.

I took a training to become a better yoga teacher. I took another training because my ego told me to. My higher self was being silent throughout and letting my ego take the lead. She knew the real reason I needed the Kripalu program. She knew I needed to come back to the beginning to find again the simple love for the experience. Kripalu brought me back into my body, where somehow my higher self knew that I desperately longed to be. I remembered that I loved being there.

My yoga has changed. Not in the way I teach it necessarily. Not yet. Though I do find myself bringing a specific Kripalu-esqe style into my classes, I feel like it was always there, I just didn’t register the origin. I can see an evolution coming soon. I’m crawling out of a box. I’m not sure if when I emerge, I’ll stop being a ‘yoga teacher’, or if I will just change the way I teach. I don’t know. I do know that I love yoga. Love. And that it will be a part of the rest of my life. I also continue to feel deep connections to being a teacher, period. How the two come together is really not important.

I thought a lot about what I wanted to touch on in this post, what I wanted to convey about my Kripalu experience. In the end, I took my pen to paper with a blank slate and an empty mind. My heart spoke, and this is what she said:

I made a comment one morning during sharing, and touched on it again earlier in this writing, about how my yoga was changing. I understand now what that means. My yoga is finally in the process of becoming mine. I am changing from those preconceived notions of what I thought yoga was supposed to be in my life. Through the influences and teachers in my life, I have become a version of those teachings. I am not inferring that this is a bad thing. I am only expressing the lesson that I have learned about my own individual nature. I also know now that it will continue to evolve. I am not restricted to a single teacher or philosophy. And though I have highly respected teachers in my life that I adore immensely, and will continue to do so and learn from, I am not destined to be just an example of their teaching.

I’m not sure what will happen next. I only know that I am now more at ease with the mystery.

I cannot say that it was Kripalu yoga specifically that brought me to these conclusions; conclusions that are not just about how I practice yoga, but how I live my life. I do know however that I came to these realizations during and after my experience in the program and that without it, I may not have done so. These teachings I will cherish, and from them I know that I will continue to grow.

Annoyed. Bothered. Quite honestly on the edge of absolute pissiness.

What brings me to these feelings of negativity, you ask? Oh yogini of gratitude?

Need I say more?

Daylight savings time.

I’ve been dreading it for weeks. Compiling this momentum of passionate frustration into imaginary letters to my government officials. Knowing that it was going to come, and at least for this time around, that I wasn’t going to be able to do a damn thing about it.

Last night I agreed to fill in a last minute class this morning. I agreed, forgetting that I’d be waking up an hour earlier, before the sun had even made his appearance. I wasn’t upset so much about the loss of that hour of sleep, I was upset that it was so unnecessary. I was upset because once again, some other force, that of the material, not natural world, is trying to undermine the beautiful and rhythmic flow of Mother Nature.

Why?! So we’ll have longer daylight hours. Well here’s the thing. We do not have more daylight. Just because you “take a foot off the top of the blanket and sew it to the bottom, doesn’t mean you have a longer blanket”. Just because you change our clocks, hoping that we’ll use that extra hour to go spend our money on unnecessary frivolities, or you think you’re “conserving” energy by allowing us to think it’s 8:00 when in fact it’s 7. Maybe we won’t turn on our lights until later? No. But we’ll leave them on just as long as we did before. Because our bodies are trying to listen to the cycles of the earth- not your damn regulatory control on our pocketbooks.

And thank you for taking away my precious morning sunrise, as I send my daughter off to school just past the break of dawn…

Stop.

Breathe.

When I got to the studio this morning I carried with me my frustration. Before my students arrived, I sat on my mat and took in my breath deep from my belly. I filled my heart with that breath and used it to relax my shoulders. I felt the sensations in my body and mind. I watched the motions of my thoughts as they bickered back and forth, between steadiness and chaos and allowed this all to happen without judgment. When my students arrived, they too were experiencing frustration, so we let ourselves express our feelings- and as a group agreed to allow our practice to melt away that tension and lift us up above and beyond the constraints of time.

By the end of class, we all felt much lighter.

So yes, my breath and my practice helped me move through the matter with more grace, but I am still frustrated with the system itself.

I understand that because I live and function in society, I have to follow the rules. I have to get my daughter to school on time, show up for work, and make my scheduled appointments. In order to do this, I need to let go and flow. While some people will feel like they’ve gained something by setting their clocks ahead, I feel like I’ve lost something…

And while some people might feel that I am overreacting or expressing too much rage on the subject, oh yogini of gratitude, I feel like I’m honoring my path and living my yoga. To hold back emotion, when it is not necessarily harmful to others, is to suppress the self. I am breathing. I am carrying on.

Kripalu yoga teaches brilliantly: Breathe, Relax, Feel, Watch, Allow.

Sometimes there is just nothing like a hot shower to cleanse the mind and refresh the whole self. Ahhh…

While scrubbing my tired skin with a yummy ayurvedic sugar scrub, it got me thinking about how blessed I was to have these delicious natural products at my personal hygiene bidding. As I dried off and went about my relatively simple routine, I felt a renewed love for the products on my bathroom shelf. The skin is our largest organ after all. Treat it with love. ♥

So without further ado, and in no particular order, these are a few of my favorite things:

1. Witch hazel. I love this stuff. I tend to go back and forth between brands, whatever’s on sale. But truly, witch hazel is my answer to a lazy night when I don’t feel like washing my face. Or those times when you’re camping and don’t have access to a water supply. It’s also a great astringent and even an antiseptic for cleaning wounds. My husband doesn’t really care for the smell but I like it. Keep some organic cotton pads around for applying or just use as a splash.

2. Aubrey Collagen and Almond lotion, oh how I love thee! I’m the kind of girl that likes to keep things simple (most of the time) so I was always looking for a lotion or moisturizer that I could use on my face as well as the rest of my body. This is it. It’s not too heavy, not to light. It smells fantastic and definitely serves its purpose. Most of Aubrey’s products are organic and vegan. Bonus!

3. Bronner’s liquid castile soap. Any scent but my favorite is peppermint. This stuff is pretty versatile and can be used for just about anything from brushing your teeth to washing your clothes. We keep a large one in the shower for bathing and a small one in the VW for camping needs. Be careful, a little goes a long way. And watch out for the more sensitive areas of your body. The peppermint tends to tingle. Most healthfood stores will carry this in their bulk section so save your container to re-fill.

4. Jojoba oil. I like keeping a simple base of jojoba around because I can add it to a smaller container with my favorite essential oil. If you apply the oil to you body when your done showering before you dry off, and then just pat yourself dry with a towel, your skin is so silky smooth! Also works great as a massage oil. My yoga students love it!

5. Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay. This is by far the best facial mask ever! If you use apple cider vinegar instead of water it mixes a lot smoother plus you have the added benefits of the ACV. Leave it on for only a little while or until it dries to a crisp To remove, take a warm, wet washcloth and press onto face with both hands. Rinse cloth and repeat until most of the clay has come off. Rinse any leftovers off with warm water. Witchhazel can be a little stingy to apply right after so I use Rose or Lavender water instead and follow with my Aubrey lotion.

6. Egyptian Magic. This is the most expensive of my beauty arsenal but it lasts forever and it’s worth it. I use it for tough dry spots like my feet and hands. Also great for cuts and scrapes and even chapped lips.

7. Speaking of chapped lips, I’ve yet to find anything that beats my Burt’s Bees. It saves me in this dry climate. I like the original with the peppermint, or the new honey one.

That’s it for the most part. I tend to go back and forth between what I use for shampoo/conditioner. My favorite brands are Aubrey, Jason, and Avalon organics.

8. Oh~and recently I’ve been using these great new bar soaps that my neighbor makes. (I know, awesome right?!) They are completely natural with no harmful additives. They come in all kinds of great scents, too! Check her out at Apotheka Soaps.

So there you have it! A little insight into my girl-ness. ♥

Ciao!

To keep it local if you’re in the Springs area, shop Mountain Mama Natural Foods or Sammy’s Organics. Vitamin Cottage is great, too!